Neglect - and what follows

Neglect v. To ignore; to pay no attention to; to fail to perform.

I have neglected my blog. And in a sense, it means i have neglected you, my friends and family.

I have had the most time this last week that i have had all semester to blog, and i chose not to. Notice that i did not say i forgot to, i CHOSE not to. Pretty sure i am the definition of neglectful.

I have ignored you, i have paid you no attention and i have failed to perform.

However....i have had the most wonderful time doing it!

Last Thursday, after classes, we started our spring break! Friday was a holiday, not sure which one, and then we had the weekend and all this week and we don't go back to classes until the 4th. So great!

I have 11 papers to write. Not so great.

Friday i did nothing. absolutely nothing.

Saturday i got up and went over to Greg and Emily's. We hung out all day and had a relaxing night. We had a braai and watched a movie and just enjoyed our quiet time. I started to write a paper that night. Then on Sunday we went to church (where Greg spoke) and then went out to lunch and THE WORLD'S BEST CHINESE FOOD! and then we did a few errands and then went home for an afternoon of whatever we wanted. Naps, movies, writing of papers. It all happened! I spend the night again, seeing as i did not have classes the next day and Greg took me back to campus in the morning. I then went to my room and sat at my desk and watched the full first season of House. I had borrowed it intending to watch it after i was done with my break and all my homework. I couldn't wait. I got through nearly all of it before it was 1am and i had to sleep or else i would miss quality information and i would have to watch the episode again.

Tuesday i woke up at noon. I grabbed my computer and finished the last two episodes while still sitting in bed. Then i got up and cleaned my room, took a shower and and started a paper at 3:00pm. I finished that paper as well as 3 others by time the night was over. Yay! 4 papers down! 7 to go!

Wednesday morning came and i woke up at 8:00, got into some scrubby clothes and headed downstairs. Today was the day that the girls were going to do some manual labor. See, last semester the we were bought a fridge for the girls dorm but we had to pay for it by working the hours doing work for the school. This was our big project. We were removing tile from a few hallways and entryways so that when the missions team comes they can lay the new stuff. It is just helpful for them to already have the tile up and they can get started right away on the new stuff.

For the most part, it was pretty easy. After about 45 minutes, we were about done. We just had a few hard spots where the tiles were being picky. I let the girls finish up the cleaning and i started in on the hard spots. Oh boy, i had no idea how hard they were when i got there. I was on my hands and knees, along with the other girls for the next 3 hours. It was a small section in a back hallway and an entryway and it was so HARD! The tile just did NOT want to come up. Not sure if it was the type of glue or type of tile, but it was horrible. The guy that set us all up with the project said that he did not have gloves, so we are all doing this without gloves. One of the girls was in her curlers and several of them had slippers on, which was funny, but not harmful like no gloves. Such a lack of communication and planning on their part. Or do i have to do EVERYTHING around here.

At 1:30 we finally get all the time up and clean up the floor and are in so much that we all collapse into our beds. There is NO noise in the hallways upstairs for the next several hours. Everyone was OUT!

At 5:00pm i woke up and went into the lounge and watched a movie. After that i wrote another paper and am now writing this blog.

I have skimmed down my list of papers to write as i was trying to get them all done for the rest of the semester, but seeing as i have plans for all of tomorrow and Friday, that only leaves me with Saturday and Sunday to do the rest of them and the one that is really due on Monday, is 10-15 pages long, so i think i will focus on that one. the next paper is not due until two weeks after school starts anyways.

I am not sure why it was that i did not want to write. I guess i am starting to feel like this life is so boring and I'm over it and i am ready to come home so if i am bored with it, why would i want to tell anyone about it.

This blog needs a facelift and an attitude adjustment i believe. I will be pondering this thought. I have also considered just stopping it as i find it boring to read.

Please let me know if you would like me to keep it going or just stop while I'm ahead (if this is what you can call ahead).

Dear Lord,

Please help me to be productive in the days to come before classes. I need focus and motivation. Tomorrow i am going with some friends to see the whales, please keep us safe in our travels and let us see lots of whales and get good photo's!
Thank you for teaching me some much needed lessons lately. I am aware of the things you are changing in me and i thank you for it. I pray that with time, and practice, my attitude will reflect what you have planned for me.

Love,

Heidi

i had pictures to upload, but i am afraid that is just too much for this internet to handle...sorry! Maybe next time.

MOM, I NEED A COUNSELOR!

Last night, I was utterly frustrated. I had 5 papers to write and was not able to get to my room until 8pm. Normally, that would not be a problem, however, this day, I did not get a nap.

I sat down at my computer, opened up the appropriate files and started to write paper number one. I got one page into it and had said everything there was to say and all that I wanted to get across. However, the paper needed to be no less than two pages. What to do. I tried staring at my computer screen while tears slowly crept to my eyes, because FOR THE LOVE this is too many essays on stupid subjects. But that had no effect.

I shut my computer off. Crawled into bed and let myself relax a bit. Found that I was mostly tired and should just give into the South African in me and not care if my paper is late. I'm the only person in the school that turns anything in on time anyway, and really..who am I trying to impress?!?

I changed into my pj's, slipped into bed and set my alarm for two hours. I figured a nice cat nap would do me good and then I could wake up, finish my papers and then get back to bed about 2am. It was a good plan in my head.

I laid my head down on my pillow, closed my eyes and tried to will myself to sleep.

Nothing came.

I was WIDE awake friends! I was sleepy, yet not about to fall asleep at 8pm. My second wind had hit, yet had not sent the message to the rest of my body. Just my eyes and half my brain.

I sit up in my bed, staring about, looking around thinking of something that I could do that just might make me fall asleep and homework quickly came to mind. I simply put that aside as a crazy thought and moved on. Then I noticed that I had my tweezers on my night stand. Hhhmm...i picked them up and looked at my eyebrows in the mirror. They were fine.

That is when it came to me. If I can pluck my eyebrows and the hair stays away for two weeks, can't I do that to my legs too?

Seemed logical at the time.

I flipped my leg out from under the covers, pulled up my sweat-pants leg and started right in the middle of the side of my left calf. Thinking this might hurt a little, I prepped my breath by holding it so that I would not scream...

PLUCK!

...not so bad. I continued with a few other hairs and made a nice hairless hole right in the middle of my leg. Maybe not the best place to start. I then decided that I would start at my ankle and move my way up. This couldn't take that long, right?

WRONG! Did you know I have like a bajillion hairs on my legs? I got about 30 hairs into it and realized that just because each pluck was not so painful, the action of plucking as a whole, made my toes numb. They started to tingle. I stretched out my leg and gave it a rest. I now have a wibbly shape of hairlessness starting from my ankle and ending in a big open hole on my calf.

Maybe this was not the best idea.

Again tears came to my eyes, because, really, is this what I have come to? An overly exhausted 28yr old holed up in a cement dorm room with no heat that decided the best possible option of things to do at 8pm on a Wednesday night is to pluck her leg hairs?

I'm pretty sure this is not what I signed up for.

“Invest in a good razor”...I'm pretty sure that is what my counselor is going to tell me once I get admitted into a home after this year here in this crazy place. And to be honest, I will take that as sound advice.

Dear Lord,

OH DEAR LORD! WHY ME?!?!?!? WHAT IS GOING ON????

S.A.V.E. M.E.

Sane or not, I love you.

Heidi

update

I have the first three essays completed!

YAY!

I'm going to bed!

a little busy here

Don't feel neglected. I do remember that you are here and i have been thinking about what i should update you all on, however, i have nine papers due this week and i just have not had the time to think in an abstract enough way to write on here. Here is a list of my papers.


2pgs - Cause and Effect Essay
2pgs - Description of a person (i chose my grandpa)
2pgs - Narration of a party (i chose my own)
2pgs - Exposition - how to take an objective test
2pgs - Argument - why is it wrong to plagerize
3-4pgs - The book of 1 Timothy - who what where when and why
3-4pgs - The book of Matthew - who what where when and why
3-4 pgs - The book of 1 Corinthians - who what where when and why
10-15pgs - Book review and how the book of Hebrews effects, reflects and changes my faith

This week will be hectic and full of late nights. I will do my best to keep you posted on what i am up to, but it might be sparatic at best.

After this Thursday, i am on break for a week and a half so i might be able to get some more blog post done at that time.

Thanks for all your prayers and support! Love you!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for stretching my brain with all this work. Even if i think some of it is stupid. I trust you will use it for your glory. Even if it's just in my attitude about doing things i don't want to do. I need to stay awake tonight for a very long time, so help me with that please.

You are wonderful!

Love, Heidi



PS...have you stopped by Levi's coffee stand yet?

Want my Birthday? You can HAVE IT!

I'm too old for birthday parties!

I do love ATTENDING birthday parties, as long as they are for someone else. This whole attention thing has got me all emotional...and not in a good way. I get crabby!

I have a dear sister, whom i love but that is of the total opposite brains that i am. She LOVES her birthday! She loves the gifts, the attention and the love that comes with having family and friends around that loves you and wants to share the special day. Perfectly fine, and frankly, pretty darn normal!

I on the other hand, am ok if you don't remember. I don't take it as offensive that you just forgot that it was the day i was born. It hinders our friendship not one bit. I will love you despite that fact.

My favorite birthday up to date, has been the one a few years ago when i was at work and people kept coming up to me to say Happy Birthday and so after lunch (which i was too busy to eat because of people talking to me) and the cake and all that singing, i just couldn't take it anymore, so i told my boss i was "OUT OF THERE"! I left for the day. I took the afternoon off and went straight to taco time. I got food, drove home, dragged my tv and dvd player into my room and sat in my bed, eating my yummy food and watching a movie. At 1pm. Then, i promptly took a nap.

Of all the parties ta ht i have had, all the fun times and going outs and family dinners. That is the one i remember the most. It was what i WANTED to do. It was all by myself and i was being rebellious by eating in my bed, in the middle of the day, when i should have been at work being productive.

Low key is the key!

Now we get to this year.

I have no car to flee from this place. I have to option of NOT going to classes. I had to endure the day filled with well wishes and hugs above and beyond what normally are given out.

I got a phone call from daddy at 5:30am. Bittersweet phone call. I'm sure if it was daylight out, i might have remembered something about it. I promptly fell back to sleep.

I awoke later in the morning to the sound of the other girls singing happy birthday to me in the hallway. Nice thought, but please, do me a favor and let me sleep. Just cause you are up doesn't mean the rest of us have to be! (i start the day out crabby!)

I shower and get ready and head down for breakfast. I meet up with a few people that say happy birthday and i gracefully accept and say thanks and eat my breakfast. I then head to class.

First period. The whole class sings Happy Birthday to me. I smile, and wait for it to be over and for these crazy people to stop looking at me.

Second Period. The whole class sings to me. again. same people.

Chapel. The whole school sings to me. Make me stand up. I am totally uncomfortable with it.

Tea Time. I am in the hallway talking to a teacher as i was not interested in eating anything or having coffee. Simon comes up to me and tells me that i need to come to the cafeteria because people are starting to get restless and they need me there. I don't know what he is talking about but am not done with my chat so the teacher walks with me as i let Simon lead me to the cafe. I walk in, still talking to my teacher friend and everyone starts to sing Happy Birthday to me. There are 5 cakes on a tray that Simon had bought to share. I was totally surprised and stunned and was so happy when the song stopped. I said my shy Thank You and walked over to the tray. I was told that because it was my birthday i had to have a piece of each of the 5 cakes. I am not a big fan of the cakes there, but i wanted to be polite. I was able to get Simon to just let me have two, and said that i would try the others if there was some left. He seemed ok with that. They were actually alright.

Everyone finished up and left for classes. I had a free period for Third period so that was nice. I was able to stay in my room and get some things caught up. Wrote some emails and got responded to facebook notes.

Fourth Period. They whole class sang to me again. At this point, i was getting annoyed. I smiled, said thank you and asked if we could continue with class. TOO MUCH SINGING!

Lunch came and i was escorted to the front of the line to get my food. So nice of them. That is did appreciate! I was hungry! I sat down and started eating when i got a phone call from a friend calling to tell me that he can't talk now but that he would call me later. Very confusing on my part, but i just said ok and let it be. I never heard from him again. Some people are weird.


After lunch i had another free period, so i used the time to lock myself in my room and get some work done. Knowing that my evening was busy i needed to get some homework accomplished. I came out around 4:30pm and started to get my evening set up.

See...i was having a party. The girls like to have birthday parties here, But they are not able to afford any sort of party, and they way it works here is you throw your own party for the other people. It's a chance for other to come say Happy Birthday to you. I had agreed to do it and got permission to have it downstairs in the staff lounge. This was a big deal. It had to get approved by the Board of Administrators and everything! The party was planned for 6pm so i started to do the set up at 4:30. I had been shopping the weekend before and bought items needed to make taco's and fruit salad. Something that i miss dearly! I LOVE TACOS!

A friend and i were able to get everything set up in time and people arrived on time and it started out wonderful. It was actually nice to have the people there. It was a girls only party most because i could not afford to feed the guys! We had dinner and a movie planned. We ate dinner, listened to music, took silly pictures and danced for two hours. Then, we decided to cut the cake. More singing.

I blew out my one candle and they started to dish while everyone sat around me and started going around the circle telling me why they appreciated me. It's a tradition they do here at every party that i have been to. People are given the chance to speak into the birthday persons life and give them any advice they want or to just say thank you for being a friend. It really is a nice tradition. I was very uncomfortable as they went around the room, but what they had to say was very nice and very uplifting and it made me feel good. Basically, they like me. I am accepted and they are all really sad i am leaving.

After the speeches...yes, i had to give one as well...everyone stood around me and we had a time of prayer. It was so powerful to feel the prayers of my friends. Speaking into my life and giving me the confidence to be myself and become whoever God wants me to be.

After that it was nearly 9pm so a few people had to leave as it was a school night and several had big papers due the next day. The rest of us that stayed, just 6 of us, sat down and watched Grease. We sang along as loud as we could and laughed the rest of the time. I think that was my favorite part. Just enjoying a few friends and making memories by laughing and having a good time.

In the end, i had a good birthday. As relieved as i was to get it over, i must admit being around my friends all day long did make it a happy day. I may sound cynical about a lot of it, but i do enjoy hanging out with friends and allowing them to show me if they appreciate me or not.

One day a year is definitely enough for a birthday!








Dear Lord,

Thank you so much for allowing me to have a good birthday! I love all my friends here and appreciate the friendship they give me. I will remember them forever from this time in my life. I pray that you will be with each of them this next year and guide us all into the will you have for us.

I love you!

Heidi

I have been avoiding this post with great effort. Do you realise that i have a lot to tell you...but i'm too ashamed?

I have not worked out in 4 days.

I only worked out for 3 day.

3 days seems to be my limit. I wish that i could have had a different way of self-disciplin seeing as this way obviously did not work.


BLECH!


I will do an update about my birthday as soon as i can.

updates and fun facts!

* Delilah died today. Poor fish. It was just too much of an exciting life i guess. But i'm perfectly fine. Cause this just renewed my knowledge that i am not the 'pet owner' type. Fish are hard work.

* I have completed 3 days of my work out. Sitting on the toilet is dreaded as it pains me in regions of my thighs i did not know existed.

* I have completed another week here at this silly school.

* My birthday is Monday

* It is so HOT today. I am sweating in my t-shirt. but then again, Wednesday WAS the first day of spring...so BRING ON THE HEAT WAVES!

* Too much Crystal Light makes me sick and gives me funny dreams.

* The psychology test that i took today messed with my head. I am not sure that i did too well on it. Yet somehow i have become the person that people come to wth questions on that topic. Oh i do love it, i just am not a fan of being tested on what i know.

* I have mailed 10 cards in the last 2 days. But it cost me $10. So i think i might just double up the return address lables instead of speding $175 on them. If you recieve a get well card from me and you are in fact NOT sick. Don't worry, i'm not prophetic. I just ran out of good cards.

* I'm moody today. blech!

i did it!

I am trying video uploads.

It is not flattering of me. No video looking from the underside of your chin up is flattering. I don't care who you are.

Hopefully this works!

Dear Lord,

Please don't let the school geeks find out that i uploaded video and used up most of their bandwidth doing so.

Thanks!

Heidi

letters!

Hey All,

So, last semester my dear friend Laura sent me a very nice gift of address labels with my name and the college address and little high heels on them. Super cute. Super me. However, after November, when i move home, i will no longer be needing them. So my goal is to use them up while i'm here.

I counted them and i have 175 labels left. That is 3 cards a day! Tonight, i have written 6, so i have a good start. Gives me slack days.

I also have a bajillion cards that my mom brought me. So i would like to use them as well.

I have several addresses, but i don't have everyones. I know there are sneaky people that read this that don't like to be identified.

So, instead of sending 175 lettters to the 20 people i have addresses for, how about you send me any old address! Does your mom want a card? I will send her one! Does your child want a card? I will send them one! Does your neighbor or a friend of a dude in the army that you know of want one? Give me the address! I gotta use these up!

Email me the address please! heidijoymichelle@gmail.com

Thanks y'all!

Dear Lord,

Please MAKE these people give me addresses! I want to write to someone! I know they know people that could use a cheer up in the form of a card that just says hello and have a nice day! Get them to give me the info!

Thanks buddy!

Heidi

Let's be honest here...

You remember how last semester i didn't eat for like two months and lost 30lb's and that was cool yet a really hungry time in my life?

well...i'm not going to do that again.

I have been eating the food here. Like, everyday. True, i might not eat every meal, but once a day is good for me! With this plan, however, i have not seemed to be able to lose any weight. Maybe it's cause i like to eat junk food before bed, while i sit and watch a movie. So when all you have had for the day is toast in the morning and a cholate bar in the evening, i suppose weight loss is not the first thing to arrive.

Note: Despite the increase in jusnk food, i still have not broken out in any pimples. Awesome huh! I actaully have not had one since i have arrived here in July. Kind of cool. Kind of the norm. Just wanted you all to know i recognize the blessing!

Now, since this eating habit of mine doesn't seem to want to change, i figured something else will have to. Meaning my routine. I am going to from yesterday on, start doing my workout dvd i brought with me.

I do believe i have tried doing this before but failed after day 3. This time, i will try to get further.

Here is how it started. Last night, i was waiting for a friend to get up to the dorms so that we culd watch a movie. (Road to Bali, with bob hope and bing crosby) She was taking a really long time. So i changed into my pj's and the pants that i had pulled out of the closet without looking, happened to be my yoga pants! So i put them on and it felt good! It felt like i was skinnier already!

I then decided that i should work out, cuase, what's the point of having the pants if you don't use them to their full potential!

I got my pink work out mat out, and my weights. (yes, i had had those things the whole time that just stare at me everyday getting dusty)

I turned on the dvd which is Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. We did a warm up, then some jumping jacks, then some push ups and then more jumping jacks and then ten minutes had passed. I was exhausted! But, i'm strong, i told myself that i could keep going no matter what i thought about myself. Then...

someone knocked on my door. It was a girl that wanted to borrow a cd. So i paused my dvd, get the cd's and noticed my movie friend there in the hall! I hey...perfect timeing, cause i would about to pass out...let's watch a movie! YAY!

I unpaused the dvd, and just full on shut it off. 10 minutes was a great start!

We sat down and started the movie. About halfway through it, the power went out, which it does nealry once a night. We had to grab the flashlight and go downstairs and flip the switch back on. These darn girls are always blowing the fuses!

People, let me tell you! MY LEGS HURT! I mean 10 minutes...that was all i did. And i was in so much pain. I used the hand rail down and back up the stiars. Poor little fat girl...is what i thought. Good grief!

We sat and finished our movie and i then went to bed. I was so tired!

But tonight! It's on again. I got my workout clothes on, i got my mat out, i got the weights in place and then...i checked my email.

Then i decided that i should update this here blog about all this and now, i'm sitting here freezing cold in my tank top wishing i had a swetshirt within reach. When what i need to do..is get up, turn off this blog and turn on the dvd.

Like i said before, i made it 3 days before. Root me on as i try to make it to 30! YAY!

And don't let me fool you. I have the time. I have the space and i have ability. I just don't have the UMPH! But it will come, i'm sure of it.


On another note...my pants are not fitting well again. I bought 6 new pairs of jeans to bring back here with me as my other jeans had gotten too big. And i had given them away. Why keep around what you don't intend on using again. So now, these jeans that fit at home in the states, are not fitting so nice here. A) i have a flat butt. No matter how much weight i put on, it gets no bigger. Wider yes, shapley, no. B) i thought i had a love of levi's...come to find out, i don't. they fit funny if you wear them too long. C) The one pair of jeans that i bought a size too small so that i would have something for later, are now a bit big. I washed them and DRIED them, and put them on and could pull them off without undoing the button, zipper AND BELT!

But yet, i don't see a differece. Strange thing this body of mine. Some day i will get the hang of it.



Ok, time to WORK OUT! YAY! (note, that is a sarcastic YAY...i don't actually have those feelings in me)

Dear Lord,

I am trying this whole work out thing once again. Only you can count as high as i have tried this. Each time i have high hopes. Each time i justify my way out of continuing. Please help me to be real with myself and keep going. Don't let me give up and don't let me get discouraged because of lack of vision. I want this and i need this.

LOVE YOU DUDE!

Heidi

another side note: I left my flat iron on again all day. Stupid. I made another big flat mark right on top of the other one. When will i LEARN!