Handrails from Heaven

I have started to work out. And to be honest, i have STARTED to work out a kajillion times. I am yet to be convinced this time will last any longer then the last 5 times this year i have started. (yes, i do mean 2011)

BUT! I have a goal now. Not just skinny! Not that skinny was ever a goal. I like to be healthy. I have big hips, (thanks dad, your side of the family gets my jaded appreciation) and big boobs and big shoulders. I'm not exactly the string bean type. I'm more like...uuummmm.....the pickle type. Just broad...i even have wide feet.

This last week, my dear dear friend Jenny (Hi Jenny!) sent me a link on my facebook and asked if i want to join her in doing a 10K run. Only...this one is all in the MUD!

I have never done a 10K. I have never done a 1K. I DON'T LIKE RUNNING. Please remember back to the "big boobs" comment. Not exactly a runners body type. However, i have always wanted to do a marathon! I was super close to doing the Rock and Roll Marathon in Seattle the summer of 2008, but i couldn't actually figure out how to do the marathon and not have to run at all. Seemed there was no getting around it. So i waited until the registration date passed and then pretended to be bummed i forgot. So sad for me.

Getting back to the original story, i went over to Jake's house the other day to work out. Jake, my brother and Crossfit trainer is great. Really he is. I love him as a brother so so much, but as a trainer, i'm not so sure i share the sentiment. I do appreciate him when i get there, thinking "This is going to be a good workout, but darn it why can't he keep the gym warm. This place is FREEZING!" Then we get started with the workout and i think. He could be a little less attentive...why is he always watching me. What if i don't want to could by ones....i want to count by threes. And i don't WANT to squat all the way down so my bum reaches the ball on the ground. My bum is fine right at thigh level. But no, he proceedes to encourage me and tell me i'm doing great which he really makes me believe it and then i push harder and just get more and more mad at him for watching me! Then, half way through the work out i get mad that he doesn't have a darn air conditioner in the place, i mean GEEZE, it it too much to ask to get a little air! Finally, the time comes to end the workout and i feel like i could hug him for saying we are done. And the appreciateion is back.

When i went to his house the other day, Jake told me that we were going to do a fitness test to see what my level was at. I said cool, it would be good to know. Thinking inside my head "No thank you, thanks for playing. I think i will just go home. I'm done already".

We started with the rowing machine and i was supposed to row 500meters. Then do 30 squats, then 20 push ups and then 10 pull ups. And i was supposed to do all of that, 3 times. And be timed on it.

After 45 minutes, i was done with round one.

I looked at jake and said "It's been fun. Peace!"

And....i left. This whole 3 rounds thing...i'm sure he was just kidding anyways, right?

So the next day, which was yesterday, i was only a little sore. It was hard to squat down and pick things up and it was just a tight pull i could feel. Not horrible, but not comfortable either.

Then.I.Woke.Up.Today.

WHOLE NEW BALL GAME!

Text to Jake #1:
7:53 am
"OMG I am so sore today! I had to keep telling myself to NOT walk like a retard just getting down the stairs from my bedroom. I LOVE IT!!!"

(i said that love it part...but really....i had far more ...colorful... words in my head at the time)

Text to Jake #2
1:04pm
"Holding off on the retard walk is impossible. I walk like a wounded gazell kicking one leg out first and then dragging the other behind it. This is stupid."


While out to lunch today, i was seated in a booth. A chair is hard enough to get up from and down to when you pretty much don't have control of your own thigh muscles, but a booth...oh gosh. I was pretty sure Jake had prayed for this to happen, cause really...all the tables were open. Why can't we sit there. I don't give a rip about your stupid "section".

Half way through lunch i had to use the restroom. But knowing what it entailed just to get there, i decided i could hold off. By the end of lunch i really had to go. I used my arms as leverage, propped myself up off the bench seat and sort of threw myself to the edge. I couldn't use my legs to go straight, you think i could make them push me sidways? HA! Didn't even try. I managed to make it to standing position without making too many scary faces and started limping towards the womens restroom.

I entered there and what do you know, out of all 4 stalls, some stupid person had to be in the handicap one. The only one with handle bars. I seriously contemplated waiting there until they left. I don't care that there are 3 empty stalls. I NEED HANDLE BARS PEOPLE! How else do you lower yourself down to the level that these toilets are at? My legs sure can't do it!

As a reach to try and save what little dignity i still had at this place, i politly walked past the "Stall From God" and used one of the others. But guess what?!1? Good news folks! They were so skinny and narrow that i was able to use the top of the toilet paper dispenser and the pressure of the wall on the other side to lower myself down. Success at last!!!!

I did my business, then started to go through my purse and clean it out, cause really...i wasn't ready to attemp to stand up. I was just recovering from sitting down. Finally, purse clean, nails clipped and emails responded too via blackberry, i was ready. I stood right up, did a little whince, zipped my pants, grabbed my purse, washed my hands and hobbled right back to my booth.

oh gosh...that booth.


The rest of day was not much better. I babysat in the evening and rough housing boys and i did not make for a very fun (at least on my part) evening. I managed though and i don't even think they noticed. I just said i was getting old.

Tomorrow, i go again back to Jake. He said that if i don't get back in there while i am in pain, then it will just have to start all over. And i don't want that. I can not gurantee handicap stalls anywhere and and little ones are too small to bring a walker into with me...i'm thought about it. The kind with the tennis bals on the feet and everything! If you ever see me with one of those, you KNOW i'm working out!

If i am able to really commit to going this month as often as possible to Jakes and i feel like i have acutally gotten somewhere with my self dicipline then i will consider signing up for the Mud Run.

I will tell you more about it later, but for now, i just need to work on getting through tonight. And making it to the gym tomorrow.

_

KIDS!

Tonight while babysitting, the two boys (5yrs and 3.5yrs) and I were rough housing and playing on the couch and then at one point i sat up from under the "tent" blanket and the 5 yr old behind me said " Hey...you wanna hair cut?" .

YIKES!


I quickly slided my butt away from his couch cusion and said politely "No Thank You" To which he replied, "Why not, we have REAL hair scissors. I could do it for you really fast and it would work really good cause the scissors and REAL ones. You know, for hair".

Again, i said "No Thank You!!!!!!"

I quickly changed the subject and we moved on, but believe me, my hair was up in a bun so fast. NO more cute little pony tail hanging free to be snipped. Just so he could show me that the REAL scissors work good.

_


While having craft time with AA the other day, we were just creating things with the craft paper we had and tape. It turned out great, and AA was doing well. We only had the one pair of adult scissors as i didn't want to go hunting around the house for a kid pair and AA is only 4, i was doing all the cutting. However, i went to get a pencil and found another pair of adult scissors and so i let her have her own pair.

She looked at me and said "Are you sure i am allowed to use these big things?" Ha ha... "Yeah, it's ok. I'm right here and will watch you", i said. She started cutting and was doing well and so i turned back to my own craft project and then she pipes up and says "You know, i'm not bleeding over here yet, so that means that i'm pretty good at this so you don't have to worry about watching me. You don't have to look over here anymore".

To which i responded, "ok, that is great that you are not bleeding, good job! However i am going to just check to make sure you are cutting straight...is that ok?"

She said yes.

We work well together.