Is it more productive to know of a lesson you are supposed to learn and thus eliminating the need to actually go through the process of learning it, or to actually go through the stress of life and learn the darn lesson?
I have this paper you see. It seems to not be going away. I seem to be leaving it all the time, and yet…it stays there, waiting for some attention from me.
This is the conclusion that I have come to.
99.9% of the people here at CTS are here in order to get some sort of degree in order to work in the ministry at a church as a pastor or missionary or something. They are called by God to learn more about His word and to prepare themselves for the work He has laid out for them.
I am here to get away from my life in Seattle for a while.
See the difference? Nobody else used this as a runaway location. Nobody else chose to move across the world to go to school in order to NOT get a degree. Nobody else spent thousands of dollars just to say “well, that was fun, what should I do next with my life?”
I know God has a plan for my life and I know that I don’t know what that plan is, however, I highly feel that I am NOT called into the ministry in a normal way that would require me to analyze the in-depth features of every book of the Bible. I feel at most, I would work with kids. And I can tell you, if I can hardly pronounce the stuff I am learning, I will not be teaching it to kids. Does any 5 yr old you know understand words like ‘exegesis’ and ‘soteriology’ and christology’ and ‘pauline authorship’ and a better question, are they like me and NOT CARE?!?!?! (you should know my spell check doesn’t even recognize those words, that should tell you something!)
So back to my paper. I have this paper that I have to write for Hebrew class. It’s all about finding the verses in the book that lead a person to exhort faithfulness (I had to look up exhort…not a good start) then I have to say why I think that these exhortations are needed for the people that the letter was written to. And then I have to tell how I think the exhortations apply to life today. However, I not only have to decide on my own what this is, but I have to consult 8 other resources and find out what they think and then compare and contrast my thoughts with theirs. This paper is to be 10 pages long.
I know that the lesson I am to learn is to persevere even when I don’t see a point. Even though I am not going after a Bible degree, and I don’t really NEED to know this information, I am supposed to know what it is like to take a challenge head on and see it through to the end. Go through the storm and learn the lesson on the other side. Keep the faith!
My question is, though, my friends, if I already know that I am going to learn a lesson, isn’t’ that in a way saying that I have already learned it? So, why go through a storm for something I already know? Right?
Probably wrong.
I am not the best at giving myself pep talks. I am REALLY GOOD at talking myself OUT of things. Not into them! (Except when it comes to buying shoes!...or…well…anything)
I know that I need to finish this stinkin paper. It was due today and I only have 700 words so far. It needs to be 2500 words. I have a very long ways to go and no motivation to get it done. I keep telling myself that I have better things to do with my life then write this stupid paper. When really, I live in a semi-prison of a place and honestly DON’T have anything better to do. Except maybe take a nap. Which, as we all know are just as important as anything else in this life.
This paper WILL get turned in today. This paper WILL be 2500 words or more. And. This paper WILL be awesome.
Believe it. See it. Grab it. Claim it. Own it.
Dear Lord,
Please oh Please let me figure this out. Give me what I need in order to get through this paper. I have a long ways to go and don’t even want to open the document or any of the books. I want a nap.
Thank you for allowing me to be in a good mood all day till now. I will do better with my attitude towards these lessons you are teaching me. No matter how stupid I think they are.
I love you.
Heidi
1 comment:
OK, I am pretty good at Pep talks, so here goes.
2500 words? You can do that in your sleep! Remember all of the client documents you had to write and edit and you could whip them up in a jiff with tons of words?
Put yourself on a timer and give yourself one hour to bang as much out as you can. A box of Via says you will be completed and happy with the product before the hour is done.
I sometimes self sabotage as well and put off things that if I just put my mind to it would be done and out of everyone's misery quickly.
You can do it....just DO IT!
How is that?!
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