i am a bad person.

Today, i lied to someone.

I have this overwhelming sense of guilt, and i'm not sure how to get rid of it.

It's all i think about.

What would make me lie? Was it really that big of a deal that i needed to lie?

Could i have gone about it without lying and gotten the same result?

The following is a true story.

Today, I went to the mall. (surprise) I had to meet my friend there for lunch to go over a presentation we have to do next week. Before she got there though, i went to the book store that i had gotten the book yesterday from.

I retrned the book.

People.....i had already read it! It was a 400 page book or something close to that and i read it in 7 hours and then retrned it!

I told the guy at the counter that i bought it for someone and they already had it.

LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE

He said "ok, do you want cash back?"

Guilty, i said " yeah, that would be great" (and yes, i was smiling and doing that stupid head bob that blonds do to indicate that they know they are blonde and make REALLY stupid mistakes, all while being overly peppy.)

I took my cash and left.


Seriously. I'm a horrible person.

Maybe i could have said, "oh, i already read it" but then wouldn't i have to imply that someone else bought it for me? cause why would i buy myself a book that i had already read, him not thinking that i meant i read it within the last 12 hours. and if that is the case, then why would i have the reciept?

Did i really feel the desire for the money back was greater then my integrity? Apparently i did. At that time.

Here are my justifications that i have come up with so far. (and you all know you have them when you do something or get something that you know you should not have!!!!)

1.) I'm nearly positive that people return books there all the time, after they read them. I can't be the only person to do that. I just can't!!!!!

2.) It was in perfect condition. No bends or creases or anything. (except that one page that has a small coffee stain in the middle of the page)

3.) I'm a student. I need the money more then i need the stupid book, and really, i should not have bought it in the first place. I was in a low spot and it was what i thought i needed at the time to make me happy. And i was happy! For those 7 hours that it took me to read it. Then.....nothing.

4.) I just plain wanted to, alright!!!!!


and thus, the true story ends.


I have no idea how to get this guilty feeling to leave me. Do i go back to the store and tell them. How would THAT conversation sound?

"Excuse me, but, i bought a book here on friday, and read it that night and then returned it on saturday, but i shouldn't have, cause that is wrong, so if i could please just buy the book back, even though i don't need or want it, that would be great". They most likely would look at me and ask me to repeat all of what i had just said. And then still they might not get it. This is Africa. People are not that honest.


Oh what to do, what to do.....


your thoughts???