Scared Spitless

I am NOT in love with speaking in public settings. Are you? I mean, really. It's not my calling. There are some that feel that it IS their calling, yet, somewhere along the line, a person a two may have LIED to them. They need to just sit down and stop making fools of themselves. Then there are those that really, truley have a calling to be a speaker and are able to do it with such ease and such confidence. This is not me.

Today, during public speaking class, i had to get up in front and give a speech on the "social impact of AIDS/HIV in South Africa". Not only did we have to get up in front of the class, but they thought it would be better for us to go into the chapel and do our speeches, not just in the little class where it's safe from the public! Now, i have to give a speech BEHIND A PULPIT! so much more intimidating! It made me wonder if all my facts were true and i prayed that i was not lying about anything and that the books that i read did their research cause i could NOT lie from a pulpit!

This said speech was to be 3-7 minutes long. You say, "no problem!", i say, "that is about how long it will take me to puke in order to get over my stage freight"! Monday we started with these speeches. The teacher would pick two people a day. So, really, i've been nervous since Monday. I have had nerves that are OUT OF WHACK!

I was given the advice to practice doing the speech in front of a mirror saying it to myself. Do you know what happened when i tried that? I LAUGHED at myself. I said, "Heidi, you are ridiculous!" (out loud!) Then i scolded myself for talking badly about myself and then i laughed again cause i was scolding myself about laughing at myself for someting so silly that i just couldn't deal with it. I don't think the mirror is for me. Sorry!

Today, the teacher called my name last. Do you understand how much hope i had in my heart that i would not be picked till Monday? Do you know how hard i prayed? I even looked up! As if that would help when praying! Maybe God reads lips too! He needed to SEE me say the words! "DON'T PICK ME!" I said about a kajillion times! (hands folded pressing up against my chin while looking up)

She said my name and i pretended to ignore it. Like, really...maybe she said...Simon...it kinda sounds similar..right..if you say it REALLY fast?

apparently not.

I went up, did my speech, the whole time either holding on for dear life to the pulpit, or i was playing with my hair. You know the nervous "tuck it behind your ears even though it's ALREADY behind your ears" move?!?!? I lasted 5 minutes. It felt like it took 50 minutes. I ended the speech and walked to my seat. I was sweating. I do NOT love public speaking.

Funny thought just came to me. If i am in front of a group of 20 adults, i would just about pee my pants from nervousness. But if i was in front of a group of 20 kids, i would be so totally excited and outgoing and maybe just about be able to get YOU to pee your pants with excitment! hhmm...what does THAT tell you?!?!

Moving on.

I went grocery shopping today. Do you know how hard it is to eat healthy without the use of a fridge or a kitchen? I am eating a lot of fruit. Really fast so it doesn't go bad in this HEAT!

While in the grocery store i saw something that touched my heart. Right by the door, there was a table set up with a little memorial to a lady that had died this past wednesday. I don't know if she was an employee or what, but it had flowers and a picture and cards and candles lit and it was too touching. (yes, i did note that it was a fire hazard to have the candles there...) It made me think about how no matter where you go, no matter what job you have, you become a family. Loving or dysfunctional, still always a family. I decided to believe that it was an employee. Cause if it wasn't, then...well...that would just be strange. I bet they really miss her. Hhhmm...i like finding things that make me think like that. Makes me evaluate how i am treating my current "family". What if they were gone tomorrow? Would they know that i appreciated them and all their hardwork and friendship?

I don't know.

It's the weekend so many of the students went to their homes. It's so quiet here on campus! It's nice actually.

I was not able to make it to church tonight, as i didn't have a ride, but that is ok. I will go on Sunday. Tonight will be a girls night and a time for me to do homework.

Hey, you all want to help me? I have a question that i have to answer. Here it is. It is for Old Testament

"Through the Abrahamic Covenant, God made over twenty different promises of blessing to Abraham. List ten of the promises. Even though God repeated some promises to Abraham as many as three times, each promise you list must be unique and different"

uummm...what were the promises? I know of 7..but not TWENTY! Any help?

Please.and.Thank YOU!

Tomorrow i am headed to the Boost Africa gallery. I volunteered towork there the whole day. 10am to 4pm so not too bad. And, it's on the beach, and..it has wireless internet, and...it's OFF CAMPUS! WHOO HOO! Then i am not sure of my plans for that evening. Movie? Sleep? Homework?
Sunday i shall finish off whatever homework i have left in the morning and then go to church that night. Super exciting!

So...what are YOUR weekend plans?!?!?!