YOU KNOW!!!

My grandpa died on Thursday. We knew it was coming, but still, it’s hard when it actually happens. And being so far away and not being able to hug my mom was harder than I thought it would be. I LOVED my grandpa so much! Even though he was not saved, and he had a foul mouth sometimes and he made up the best stories and passed them off as truth, he was still my friend. I could be totally myself with him and he didn’t judge. If he didn’t approve, he would just say “well…it’s not my life!”
My mom called me on Thursday afternoon her time, which was 1:30am my time. As soon as I woke up and heard the phone ringing, I knew who it was and what she was going to tell me. Nobody calls me here. Everyone uses texting. Especially at 1:30am. I had just gone to bed about an hour before. And after we chatted for a few minutes, I could not sleep. I just stared at the ceiling. I didn’t feel anything. Not sad, not happy, not relieved, not anything! Numb. I got up about 7:00 out of bed and got dressed and went straight to class. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just went and sat down. A few people asked what was wrong as they could tell that I was upset, or at least not my usual happy huggable self, but I just couldn’t even talk. Class started and we had opening devotions and then we started in on our speed reading lesson. As soon as the teacher asked the first question to the class, I burst into tears. I have not really cried in about 3 years. It all came out. I ran out of class and down the hallway and fell onto the sidewalk just balling! I could not stop. Apparently one of the students from another class saw me and they came over and tried to console me. I still could not stop crying. I just cried and cried and cried. Then I finally decided that I was done. I gathered myself up and went to the restroom to wipe the mascara off my cheeks and then went back to class. I was done. I have not cried since and I have not even been down about it. Yes, I am sad that my grandpa is gone, and I will miss him, but I knew that it was coming. When I left the states I said my goodbyes knowing full well that it was the last time I would see him. I still remember walking away from him…not actually wanting to leave. I am not one to dwell on an emotion for long. (unless I’m fighting with my sister, then I can be the longest grudge holder you know!Love you TIESHA!.) So all I needed was that few moments to break down and then I was ready to pick myself up and move on.

It’s over. He is gone. I can’t change it. Move on. His life stopped, mine didn’t. I need to remember that.

Friday was rough and I had a headache the whole day. I was constantly approached by people telling me they were sorry to hear about gramps and that they would be praying for me. It was nice of them to say it, but it was like every time I got to a point of not thinking about it, someone else would come bring it up again. I needed to get off campus. I had not left in nearly two weeks and I was ITCHING to get out! (yes, I did leave campus for a brief time the Friday before, but it was on a mission and not as though I was able to feel relaxed) So I set up a time to meet with Emily and get away for the day. She picked me up Saturday morning at 9am and took me to the mall. (my homeland) She had to meet someone for breakfast so I went off on my own. I LOVED IT! I just wandered around. I am totally broke, so I had no money to spend beside the necessities, but it was nice just to get off campus and see different faces. I was able to walk around the whole mall and pick up a few things that I had on my list. I then had some lunch and Emily and I went back to her house. I was able to hang out there all afternoon and just feel like a normal person. Not a trapped student in a dorm room. Side Note: I was always a little sad that I never got to experience the dorm life back after high school when I should have gone onto college…but now, I totally am glad that I didn’t do it. I HATE it. End Side Note. Seeing the same people day and night for every class, meal and prayer is a little much. Especially coming from living on my own and being able to have my “quiet” time whenever I chose.
Where was I ?? Oh, yeah, so I was able to spend the whole day with Greg and Emily. (my Africa parents) Emily let me use her kitchen to bake, and that was WONDERFUL! Oh how I miss baking and cooking and creating in the kitchen! I made some chocolate peanut butter bars. They turned out pretty good. Not my best, but they were decent. Especially since I had to remember the recipe from memory. Then Emily and I watched “Becoming Jane” which was fabulous! I loved it! And then I got online and was able to check my email and also I was able to talk to my mom and dad for a while on Skype and get an update on things. So that was nice. While I did that Greg and Emily made some homemade pizza and we ate that while talking to their daughter Audrey on Skype. She kept us well entertained! After dinner we sat down for an episode of The Big Bang Theory (hilarious show) and then they took me back to the college. I was sad that the day was over, but so tired as well that I was glad to be able to head to bed.
I got all my things out of their car and headed to my dorm room. I entered the hallway and there in front of my door was a pitcher of water with a bunch of beautiful flowers! No note. My room is right outside of the girls lounge so they all heared me come in as they were in watching a movie. I put my things down and came into the lounge. I thanked them for the flowers and they said that they didn’t get them, that a boy had dropped them off. Ooohhhhhhh……. They all loved that one! Apparently, one of the guys here on campus who is my friend bought them for me to help cheer me up from grandpa and his passing. He is such a nice guy. He is from Sweden and totally is precious! His accent and broken English make me laugh out loud! He has become a good friend and I appreciate our friendship. I think that we have a special bond since we are the only students that are NOT from Africa. Also, we are the only ones that seem able to operate a computer properly so most students tend to come to us for help. Hhhmmm. Anyways, I thanked him later that night during out nightly ritual of UNO!

UNO…on goodness! SO MUCH FUN! Who knew you could get frustration out by playing UNO?!??! We do full contact UNO. It get’s rough! I won’t lie, I have come away with a few bruises! It’s fast, it’s tricky, it’s THRILLING! And Simon, when he has one card left, he says YOU KNOW! Cause he can’t say UNO with his swiss/german accent. It’s hilarious. We now all say YOU KNOW! And then laugh. HA HA HA!

On Thursday I re-arranged my dorm room. I was bored. So I took everything out of my closet and re-folded it all and put things in new places, then I re-arranged my furniture. After I was all done, I realized that I liked the original places of the furniture…so moved everything back. I felt very accomplished that day.

Since I now have the above mentioned flowers in my room, I have noticed an increased number of insects. Which is not a problem…just annoying. Last night, I had a JUMPING SPIDER!!!!! I tried to kill it with bug spray, but just managed to get the window sill all soaking wet with spray…the spidar had jumped to my bed. So I grabbed a tissue and tried to catch it. It jumped away. But it jumped TOWARDS me! YIKES! I am not scared of spiders…at all! However, if they are trying to jump on me, I just might let out a little shout of alarm…maybe. Well…most likely. The spider jumped, which made me jump, which made me step on my phone which happen to go off right at that moment because I forgot that I had set the alarm for the evening just in case I took a nap. Which made me scare even more. It was an intense few seconds there. Honestly, I secretly and silently cursed the darn spider under my breath. I grabbed my coffee cup with the flat bottom and finally out-smarted the spider. You see, the technique is to smash it when it is coming down from a jump. It has a hard time jumping in concession…smart…I know. It’s what college is doing to me!

I am going to be involved with a charity here in Cape Town. I don’t remember if I told you all that before or not. It’s called Boost Africa. (google it) I am going to meet up with one of the directors of it here tomorrow. I’m totally excited! I need something of my own that I can do off campus and get involved with. Plus, it has to do with children, so I will be in my element. I will update you after I meet with her. And I will try to take some pictures! I promise!

Today during Chapel, I decided that I need to try and become better friends with some of the other students, so I went up to an upper classman girl that I had met once and I said that I would like to get to know her better and that I thought she was pretty and that I had a feeling that we were going to be good friends. She looked at me a little strange (cause you KNOW I said all that in one breath in like 3 seconds) and said “ok, thanks” and then I felt awkward and so I went back to my previous seat. Hhhmm…I was not sure what to think of it. But I had done what I normally do and tried to be outgoing and get out of my comfort zone. So even though I felt strange about it, I also felt a little sense of accomplishment. Anyways, at lunch, I was just finishing up and this same girl came into the lunch room. Now she is not a resident of the campus, so she goes home after classes and classes were now over for about 40 minutes so it was strange that she was still there. She looked in the lunch room and found me and came over and said “Hey, I’m going to the Beach on Saturday to just relax before the real classes start on Monday, do you want to come with me?” WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!? In my head I said very loudly “YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!” but to her I said, very calmly, “that would be great, thanks for thinking of me. Here is my phone number just let me know when you are here and I will come out” BOO YEAH! HA! Now who is the cool girl! It’s me…It’s me…It’s me!!! HA HA HA! I shall for sure take pictures of the beach, and my new found favorite friend on campus and secretly my new ride for outings, even if she doesn’t know it yet, and I will post them next Sunday.

I need participation for this one here folks! I have been told by a few people that don’t have gmail accounts that they are not able to leave comments. I have changed a few things in the settings of my blog to see that you are able to, but I don’t know if it works unless you tell me. So, if you cannot comment, please email me at heidijoymichelle@gmail.com and I will try and find the problem! Thanks for your help! For you Facebook only readers…shame. You should join the real deal at www.heidifields.blogspot.com …just sayin’. My blog says that I only have 14 people following me…and I KNOW that is not true. Stand up people and make yourself KNOWN! Just so that I can feel better about writing this silly blog. HA!

Here are some pictures of the flowers that Simon got for me! I hope you all have a wonderful day and week. Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I LOVE YOU!